I can't do it.

And I am feeling frustrated. It's the music thing again. No matter how hard I try it feels like I have had my heart shut down. Roy is being patient, had his guitar out most of the day, got out the music book when the girls were heading to bed...was asking me to just do one song. But, I can't and I feel awful. Saturday nights (going to church) take all my joy away. Roy wonders why I go at all. I do it for the girls. There is nothing wrong with what they are being taught, and they get to have friends, but Roy was asking me to tell him 3 things that are right, and all I can do is say what's not wrong. I am so disappointed. When we moved here I thought I had found a church that was just like what I had imagined one could be...at one point I thought I was on a path God planned for ministry for me...but now I feel only cold. When was the last time I felt myself freed to worship at church...or even through song...I keep trying...really...so long I can't remember:( cold.