renewal and reflection
It snowed...we weren't able to make it to church...and once I knew we could not go (and got over a feeling of guilt by watching cars sliding off the road on our hill), I relaxed and had a better weekend than I have had for a long time...does that say anything??
Actually I am still so unsure of what to do about it all. I *want* our girls to have every chance to meet friends who will help them grow closer to God, but at what expense?
Friday I finished reading Lynne Hybel's book "Nice Girls Don't Change the World." Much of her experience is NOT mine because I did not grow up in church like she did, but I do understand her sense of things not feeling right. I have sensed for some time that God wants me to do something really BIG, but I am so easily discouraged by the words of those (usually those who don't know ME well) who feel they have insight into what God *might* want me to do. It most often centers around the fact that I am a homeschooling mom of 6 kids and how I should know God gave me that ministry field first. Like Lynne H. I know that there are seasons and I do not desire to short my family. However, I also know that God speaking to my heart is just that, MY heart, and no one else can hear. I have some significant people in my life who affirm the message I am hearing...and so I march on.
My greatest battlefield if anyone wants to pray for me is my ongoing lack of ability to enter into true worship in the corporate setting. I am feeling weak to be honest. Roy and I sat and did some worship music together last night...once I warmed up (in spirit) it was awesome! Sadly though I still miss the worship we were doing last year at church...in that setting I felt I could soar up and feel the warmth of the smile of God on me.
posted by Sandy Mc @ 9:14 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
I've struggled in corporate worship too since we've moved here. We have always been in churches where what we were hoping to do with the worship service was NOT what they were hoping for (read "don't play your devil music in OUR church"). Now that I'm in a setting that is more geered for the music style I "like" I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know if I'm worshipping or being entertained. What a strange thing to say, but I really don't know. And if I'm not being entertained, I'm thinking about how we will do it at VF, and not really worshiping either. It's weird. We'll have to pray for each other!
Hi Bina, and welcome from a born and raised (but transplanted) Illinoisian!
I agree with your observation about the importance of our direction in worship (upward) yet with one exception. I have had a similar conversation with a friend from our old home church in MI and I have never been able to help him see my heart, but I am an optomist so I will try again to share a perspective I have, lol.
I am a fan of the using the cat and dog theology illustration to describe things at times. I am primarily a "dog Christian" and because of that my natural tendency is upward worship. For me the act of being "entertained" by those expressing a picture of God in terms of the culture around us can be an extremely positive God experience. In defense of your position, I personally do not feel an upward worship experience from songs that are truely *I* focused, but I recognize that there *may* be others around me who God IS reaching through such a piece.
An example of the process of how different people process a worship song might be seen in the following line:
"thank YOU for saving me..." vs "thank you for saving ME..."
I sincerely believe that it's not about the songs (well should not be) but rather it is about each of us knowing God, and worshipping Him in the special way we each are fashioned to do.
This is where my battelfield lies on the returning to corporate worship. A fine church with a fine vision, and fine worship...but not reaching the hearts of the "cat Christians" in a way that allows them to move beyond the "me" place to an attitude of "it's all about Him"
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